So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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