even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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