i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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