I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
