Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
is it fun? or sober?
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