I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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