She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
