All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
