totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
