Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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