he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
