I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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