the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
