what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
