i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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