last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The Olympian is in my bed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
