what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
