the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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