fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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