I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
