Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize