how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
