Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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