Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
