Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
