All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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