If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
