is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
