I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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