So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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