your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
