do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
