For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
