So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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