omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
