My Higher Power is John Stamos
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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