did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
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Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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