no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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