My first STD was from a foam party
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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