I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
