you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
