i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
