Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
