I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
