I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
