he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
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i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
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Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements