At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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