he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
either way he was missing a nipple.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER