That's intense
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
