I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.