she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
They have beer where we have blood.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
