they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
