I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
