# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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