So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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