When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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