Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you had me at cake vodka
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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