hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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