i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
this boner is exhausting
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
