soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
