The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize