I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
