What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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