She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
