Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
