Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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