I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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