In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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