all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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