god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
