You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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