a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
