I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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