i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
