you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
