Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
