i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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