i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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