so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
