so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i think my mom watched the whole time
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
