Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
