Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize