Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We had sex on a dog bed..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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